In Memory of Doris

Doris may have worked for you, cared for you, been your family or your friend, whoever she was to you, you will know that all she ever wanted to do was help.

When our youngest son was not much more than a toddler I asked her if she could look after him for me the following afternoon, as usual she said yes. He was delivered and I went to work. Later that day Steve collected him and brought him home.

We asked him if he had had a nice afternoon, oh yes, he said. What had he been doing with Grandma we asked? We went to a big hall. I had cake. I made the sad old ladies laugh, he replied. This had us somewhat puzzled and Steve rang his Mum to find out where they had been.

I was quite cross, actually I was very cross, to discover Doris had taken him to a funeral tea because she had already agreed to help and she thought it would be OK to take Lewis along. I was cross because I didn’t think it at all appropriate to take a three year old to a complete strangers funeral tea. But I was also cross because she hadn’t said no. No she couldn’t help me as she had already made plans. No it would make her afternoon tricky. She just couldn’t say no. She always wanted to help everybody.

I didn’t understand then that Lewis was perfectly all right at the tea and he had actually helped lift the mood of the ‘sad old ladies.’ But I understand now and Doris’s great granddaughter will be with us later to help brighten the ‘sad old ladies’ and ‘sad old men’ and the rest of us!

Because of the dementia, Doris didn’t quite grasp who Sophia is, but she adored her and was always delighted to see her and always wanted to hold her.

Having spent her whole life caring for others the time came for Doris to be cared for. We did our best, we muddled along. We didn’t know the rules. It was hard and it hurt like mad. We questioned every action, every thought.

Thank you Lavender Court, especially in recent weeks, you pulled out all the stops, your care of Doris was second to none.  I am thankful I was able to help Doris, to repay just some of her kindness. We would dance around her room to Daniel O’Donnel and my last happy memory of her was dancing with her at Rob and Vicki’s wedding, we whirled around and around the dance floor, she had a beaming smile on her face the whole time.

Whether Doris worked for you, cared for you, was your family or your friend; you will know that all she ever wanted to do was help.

 And she did.